Alright.

I almost died today.

Seriously.

I simple thing like Christmas shopping.

I could feel my chest hurting...it was hard to breath.

My life is that of my grandmother's.

My body.

My thoughts marked only in randomed spurts. I am dying. Not living. This is not Life.

Am I will going to die for a flat stomach?

Out Of Father hunger?

Of Fear?

Only so many people can save me or try.

I have dreams. They must mean something!

Maybe if I had someone...to love me to hold me...HeLL! Just someone to know me. Know me. Inside.

This is so much a part of me yet I hide it. I don't want it. ! NO!Stigmatized.

Will my body ever be normal? Average? Will my thoughts ever make sense? Will my fear ever leave me alone? HOW???? GOD SHOW ME HOW? --> I AM DYING HERE!!!

(i'm convinced of demon possesion)

Take me under thy wing and stroke my hair and feed me the bread of life!

"Let me not yeild to tempation but deliver me from evil...."

sidenote: The house smells like bacon. I think I am going to vomit. (incedently, I like that word vomit....I should say it more often)

VOMIT!

"Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink"

is so true for me...

But its not like I like to think about death. HEll, I'm 20 not 80!

I'd rather think about well LIFE!

Living....

Anything!

The Muppetts!

Sasquash!

MAimi!

Hair care!

I am going to chop all my hair off.

I need a catharsis.