HEy HEY...ITs friday. Okay so today I was sopose to volenteer but I either a) slept through my alarm, b) heard it but thought it was part of the pycho dream I was having... or c) it didn't go off. Hmmm...whatever the case I feel EXTREMELY guilty for not going and leaving M. Wolaxhan in the lurch...so I am going to wuss out and have my mom call her and tell her I was really sick and had to go to the ER or something. I could be sick anyway, I h ave a weird headache....well I guess technically I am sick, sorta , mentally. Well, my whole extended family thinks I'm crazy and sometimes I even think I'm crazy.

Being alone sucks but today I got serveal nice e-mail and a card in the mail so I am feeling more supported than usaul but don't know exactly what to do with that. I'm also pondering on what to d this weekend. Movie? I really really shouldn't shop. I have been buying stuff (even small purchases) everyday. It's getting bad, THINGS DON"T BUY

HAPPINESS!

I KNOW!

But I'm an addict. (yes, thank you AA) I and I am the biggest actress in the world. Will I just die some night in my bed I was wondering last night. But I know I am ment for so much more and I could do so much more if I just simply ATE MORE! But it so much tougher than that. I want tosmeone to do it for me almost so I don't have to go through the pain and anxeity. I don't want to feel it.

I need to reach out. That is also part of getting well. I wish a had people who lived closer. I have too many friends that live like WAY across the couuntry. Can we say Seattle? I

wonder if I promise my mom I will pack on the pounds if this spring we can see about Italy?? Everytime I get a USA today I always look at Pittsburghs weather than Pheonix, Seattle, than scroll down to the little column and check on ROme. :)

"Some day I'll fly some day I'll soar...some day I'll be so DAMN MUCH MORE...becasue I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for..." GOSH IWANT TO Marry John Mayer...or atleast meet someone like him who can twist thier words into music thoughts of truth and self-disclosure than speak to my heart. Ahhh how poetic. Gag. I don't particuraly care for peotry but when your in love or longing for it it comes regardless....ya know.

do not let me SHOP THIS WEEKEND! no!